Pursuit of Happiness, Chapter 02
May. 5th, 2013 01:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
twinkletofuTitle: Pursuit of Happiness
Pairing: Yunjae
Raiting: PG 13
Length: Chaptered
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slight Mpreg(?)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot.
Warning: Mpreg is mentioned but not detailed.
Summary: This is the chaptered version of the oneshot Ignorance is a Bliss.
They were once together, happy and contented. But nothing's perfect and so their lives.
Follow their pursuit of happiness and their own happy ever after.
chapter two
Jaejoong had to rush back to the company he’s working at when his employer called him to fix the files she needed that same day. He’s currently working as a secretary in a small company situated in Seoul. It was actually his day off when she called but knowing how grumpy his boss can get and how bitchy she can treat him after, he dashed there like there’s no tomorrow. He knew she will fire him instantly if he doesn’t get there on time and he couldn’t afford that. Working on weekdays is totally an understatement. He’s enslaving himself on works not even part of his job description but he doesn’t mind as long as it pays the bills. Where can he find a more suitable job? He can work his arse off on weekdays and spend the whole day at home on weekends, with his angel – his daughter.
Jaejoong had left his daughter, Jiyool, with his neighbors; a young couple who were married for years, and he’s thankful enough that his little bundle of joy enjoys playing with their kids. After years of working to support himself and his daughter, leaving Jiyool still makes him feel bad but what can single parent do? He must work for them to survive. But if people will ask him, no, he doesn’t regret a thing.
Unlike other kids, his daughter never cries when he leaves her with his friends to work. She’s only a bit past the age of four but she’s definitely smart for her age. She’d go from a hyperactive clingy kid to a brave little one when needed. She loves to be carried around and she jumps him as soon as he got home. People always tell him how Jiyool looks exactly like him. Her doe eyes and pale skin might be from him but he can see him on her. Her features becoming more like him, her appa – the man he once vowed to love for the rest of his life and gave him everything. The same man who he wounded and left.
He went straight to her office and did what she told him to do. As soon as he was done, he rushed out of the building like flash, hoping to get back to his daughter as soon as possible.
Yunho was sent back to reality when he saw the toddler fell on her knees. She was running, probably chasing someone, but fell when her doll shoes clad foot trip on the rocky part of the ground. Her fringes block her face as she kept her head down. Without even contemplating, Yunho immediately found himself on her side.
‘Sweetheart, are you okay?’ He asked him as he brushed the dirt off of her and helped her stand.
The kid’s voice came out soft and rather controlled and he heard her answer him with yes. Yunho had to catch his breath when the little girl looked at him straight in the eyes. Those eyes – he had seen those before. Beautiful doe eyes that had once looked at him with unrestrained love and passion. How can he forget everything? He felt like a total loon when he realized where his thoughts are taking him and he wanted to mentally brick himself over and over again.
‘Ahjusshi, you okay?’ He saw her staring at him with unshed tears on her eyes when he comprehended that he might have spaced out.
‘I’m okay. Are you? Your knee is bleeding.’ He said as he lightly touched her knee with his fingers. He saw her flinch a bit but she didn’t cry though her watery eyes betray her iron will.
‘Come on, let’s go sit there.’ Yunho carried the girl on his arms and sat her on the nearest bench. He spared her with another look before he rummage through his bag. Big rounded eyes followed his every move and he knew she’s unconsciously measuring him up, whether to lay out his trust on a complete stranger or not. He smiled back at her when he caught her looking at him, assuring her that everything’s going to be alright. How different the girl was, he thought. If it was another kid, she had probably kicked a tantrum already or wailed till his ears get chopped off, but she didn’t.
‘Are you here alone?’
‘No. They ran back to auntie’s house. There!” she answered him and pointed to a small bungalow across the park. They? she’s probably referring to her playmates, he thought. ‘You sure you’re okay here?’
The little girl’s face lit up and nodded, ‘Mama will be back!’
Something tugged at his heart when he saw her face lit up at the mention of her mother. She looked really cute with her hair bobbing along.
He handled out a water bottle from his bag and took his handkerchief out of his pocket.
‘I’m going to wash your wound first okay?’ He poured some water on her knees whilst looking at her from time to time. He saw her clutching her dress but she didn’t cry. Tough girl. Yunho folded his handkerchief and tied it on her wounded knee.
‘There!’ he said and tucked her hair on her ear. ‘You should ask mama to fix you up later okay?’
‘T-Thank you, ahjusshi’
‘You keep on calling me ahjusshi.’ He made a face and acted as if he’s hurt. He held out his hands and told her, ‘My name is Yunho. What’s your name?’
‘Jiyool’ She gave him a smile and timidly grabbed his outstretched hand with her own.
How strange –
He dismissed whatever on his mind and returned her smile, ‘What a pretty name! Just Jiyool?’
‘Jung Jiyool’
His heart stopped. How can it be? He must’ve been crazy to think that it’s possible but what a strange coincidence. Her features and everything about her reminds him of Jaejoong but he dismissed that idea as soon as it crept on his mind. But Jung Jiyool? Just what the heck is life playing at him?
His memories took him back years ago. The first time he heard that name – it was from his own mouth.
‘Yunho-yah, if ever – if ever you will have a kid, what will you name him… or her?’ They were cuddling in bed when Jaejoong suddenly asked him. Their legs were tangled with each other and both were covered half way down with only a thin crumpled sheet. They bask in each other’s warthm as their skin rubs on the other. Yunho enveloped his lover with his arms while Jaejoong traced his jaw down to his collar bones and chest and repeated the act over and over again.
Yunho nuzzled into the smaller man’s hair, taking in his musky scent. ‘Hmm… Jiyool’
‘Jiyool? Why?’
‘It sounds pretty’ Trust Jaejoong’s lover to come up with the most reasonable reason. Jaejoong wanted to laugh but when he looked up and saw his lover’s face, he decided to shut his mouth. He looked so gentle that time, affection coursing through his every being. ‘Your reasoning is the best, Yunnie’
Yunho had to give himself another mental slap. What are the chances that Jiyool is Jaejoong’s? His heart pumped so hard he can hardly breathe. ‘How about your mama and papa? What are their names?’
Jaejoong had seen them and his hand immediately flew to his mouth. Then one by one, tears started dripping from his eyes.
‘Leave my son’ He heard that taunting voice once again. It was Yunho’s mom. The Jungs never accepted his relationship with their son but Yunho cannot do anything about it. He threatened them, yes, but he loves them dearly. Yunho is understanding, the complete opposite of his parents. He respects his parents but when the topic is about him and Jaejoong, they fight like being angry is the only reaction they can give to him. Yunho always call him after the heated discussions to rant and Jaejoong could only calm him.
Jaejoong is an orphan and his high value of parents comes first despite everything they said to him. He tried to understand them but the Jungs can only feel the same way towards their relationship. In their eyes, their son can never be wrong and if he could only take the blame for everything, he will. He knew their relationship isn’t a normal one in a country like South Korea. It is just wasn’t the norm and his parents can only see it as one thing: Disgusting.
‘I am sorry Mrs. Jung but I can never leave Yunho – unless he wants me to’ he trailed off. Jaejoong saw her eyes and regretted that he even
looked at her. He can see pure hatred in them and his right hand instantly went to his stomach and clutched it like some sort of life line.
It was only two days ago when Jaejoong received some good news. He was too weak the past few weeks and nausea tortured him almost twenty-four-seven so he decided to swing by the hospital. Nothing’s wrong with him and it’s definitely not a bug, that’s what the doctor told him. He thought it was really weird when the doctor brought in his colleague. It was Doctor Choi. His eyes almost popped out of his sockets when he told him he’s pregnant. He can’t even fathom the whole idea. He told him that his case is really rare. He didn’t know if he’s exaggerating when he told him it’s one in a million chances rare for a guy to be pregnant, almost a miracle or maybe it was with the genes and other scientific something he never really understood, but yes, he is truly, miraculously pregnant. He had wanted to tell Yunho about it but he didn’t want to tell him about his pregnancy over the phone. His lover had been away for almost two months already to deal with their family’s business in Japan and he was itching to call him but he stopped himself from doing so. He’ll tell him about the good news personally.
However, Mrs. Jung is always two steps ahead of everyone else.
‘You’re pregnant.’ She said flatly. It wasn’t a question and Jaejoong’s head shoot up and stared at her in disbelief and surprise. He never told anyone about this, how come she knows? And like she was able to read his thoughts, ‘I have my ways Jaejoong.’ She told him, ‘You know what I can do, young man. Leave my son or I’ll make you suffer.’
‘I – I’m really sorry Mrs. Jung’
Mrs. Jung eyed him with contempt once more and left without another word. He never saw her for several days after the whole threatening incident, or maybe, in defeat, she accepted them already. But one day, she saw her standing in front of his house, waiting for him. Two men clad in full black outfits approached him and forced him to get on the car. They were too strong and he couldn’t do anything.
‘W-where are you taking me?’
‘I gave you choices Jaejoong.’
Jaejoong felt like they were roaming the highway to hell and he was utterly scared. The car stopped and Jaejoong was literally dragged out of the car to the hospital. He was being hauled on a familiar place and he realized what she’s up to. No she wouldn’t!
He paled on the thought of it and became hysterical. He tried to wriggle away but the grip on him was too strong. He wailed, not even caring how people looked at them.
‘Don’t do this, Mrs. Jung. Please?’ He was constantly slipping on the hospital’s tiles as he tried to fight the guy’s hold on him. He cried and cried until his tears smeared his face and shirt.
‘Don’t do this. Not my child … ‘ He pleaded, his face so heartbreakingly broken. ‘Mrs. Jung –‘
Yunho’s mom stopped walking and pierced her eyes on him. Jaejoong tried to beg once more. ‘My child doesn’t deserve this…’
‘I warned you. If you had only listened Kim Jaejoong, we wouldn’t even be here.’
Her voice came out clipped and spiteful and everything that came from his mouth sent shivers on his spine. He was petrified, not for him but for his baby’s sake, but he promised himself to protect his little one with his everything. He knows that the situation he was in wasn’t the same before when they did nothing but threaten him with words. The Jungs can go to any length to protect their honor and family and they wouldn’t bend their principles for something they hated to start with.
Yunho had dealt with his parents the past years when they throw fit and shit towards their relationship. He had always dealt with them alone, convincing him that he can take care of everything. He put him on pedestal and shielded him from any despair and pain. But this time, he wasn’t there for him. The situation, too, isn’t something he wanted their son to deal with. Jaejoong respects his lover’s love for his parents and his respect towards them despite everything they said and did.
Now that another life is involved, Jaejoong vowed to deal with this on his own – to protect Yunho and his child. Their child.
And so, Jaejoong came up with a decision – a decision that the situation calls for; what he thought was right and the easiest escape from the hell he was in.
He stopped wriggling and faced her with his tear streaked face, ‘I will do anything you want me to do Mrs. Jung. Anything… But don’t harm my child.’
What’s with hurting if it’s all worth it?
Yunho came back to Korea a week and a half after. A day before his flight, he called Jaejoong to ask if they can meet as soon as he landed. And they did. Oblivious to everything that happened the past weeks, Yunho told Jaejoong to meet him on his house.
Jaejoong’s condition worsened due to pregnancy and he looked like he was just hit by a truck. Yunho was all smiles when he saw Jaejoong strutting towards him. In a moment of ecstasy, of finally meeting his love after two agonizing weeks of staying away from his country, he was quick on his feet and hugged him tight. But Jaejoong remained frozen on his place. He didn’t even react when Yunho hugged him. There’s something wrong. Yunho felt the change in Jaejoong that he doesn’t even want to feel but what he saw on Jaejoong’s face made him wince. He was staring at him with cold eyes and blank face. His eyes, unreadable and oh the shudder it gave him.
He held his arms with both hands and looked at him straight in the eye ‘What wrong Joongie?’
This is now or never, Jaejoong convinced himself. He wanted to tell Yunho everything but his mom’s voice haunts him like no other. He wanted to hug him back and kiss him senseless but the safety of their child comes first.
‘I can’t do this anymore Yunho’
‘W-what are you saying? Why are you like this?’
‘This is not working. Let’s break up.’ That came out fast. But Jaejoong had to harden himself when he saw the emotions on Yunho’s face. He was shocked and confused. Jaejoong caught him off guard and he knew Yunho. He isn’t someone who will accept anything life throws at him without fighting back and knowing everything.
‘You’re joking right?’ Yunho had spared him with an incredulous look and Jaejoong’s heart felt like it was ripping into pieces. He tightened his grip on him and shook him to his senses, ‘Tell me you’re joking.’
Jaejoong’s silence answered Yunho. He had to keep his mouth shut that time or he can say things that weren’t part of his plan. Yunho removed his grip on the smaller man and paced the room with a hand on his face as he tried to process everything. He stopped on his tracks looked at Jaejoong.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me, Kim Jaejoong.’
‘No Yunho. I’m serious. We need to stop this. Whatever happened between us, forget them.’ Yunho narrowed his eyes on him as he took in every word he said. Jaejoong lashed him with words and wound his entire being. When Jaejoong saw disbelief turned into anger, he knew everything that has happened between them was sent down the drain.
‘Do you have someone else?’’
‘I don’t have anyone.’ Jaejoong answered. ‘Look. Those things I told you before, they’re not true. Everything’s a lie, Yunho, everything. You have to understand this. We may have started out right but see, this is me. I don’t love you. Never. I like what you can give me though. I’m just a poor orphan and what’s the best to get out of that hell hole? You’re my little escape Yunho-yah. Your family is famous; you have money, the looks. You wouldn’t know but I can jump on the first person who will offer me those things, even if it’s not you. I’m tired of putting up with all the drama, Yunho. I’m done with all your family’s shit. I’m done with you.’
Yunho wanted to laugh after he heard everything Jaejoong told him. He didn’t peg the guy to be a gold digging bitch but the truth came from his own mouth. He wanted to scream, to hurt him, to be mad, but he’s too numb to feel anything.
‘You really fucked everything up, Jaejoong’
‘It seems like I really did.’
He groaned in disbelief, ‘Fuck you.’
Yunho’s voice was clipped and controlled. He didn’t scream but everything stabbed Jaejoong’s heart. He told himself that he deserve this. He deserve much more than being cursed out by the person he love compared to the pain he inflicted on him with his lies.
‘Leave.’
He sounded tired and defeated but Jaejoong understood. Without saying another word, he dragged himself out of Yunho’s house and completely out of his life.
Jiyool saw a figure half-hiding on the other side of the park and she knew it was her mom.
Yunho thought the little girl didn’t hear him so he repeated the question for her. He was dying of curiosity. What if his thoughts are right? ‘Can you tell ahjusshi what’s your parents’ name?’
But Jiyool was too distracted. She jumped off the bench and bowed to the ahjusshi who kindly helped her out.
‘Thank you Ahjusshi!!’
‘Where are you going Jiyool-ah?’ he asked her, curious to why she suddenly decided to leave the place. Jiyool pointed on the other side of the park. He wasn’t sure as to whom Jiyool was pointing out since other people are walking by but he remembered that she was staying on the house on the other side of the street.
‘Mama’
Yunho understood what Jiyool wanted to say. He brushed her hair with his hands for the last time and dusted off her dress. ‘Remember to ask Mama to treat your wound, ‘kay?’ he held out his pinky and she immediately wrapped her own with his. ‘Okay!’
Jaejoong was still standing behind the post when he felt her daughter nudge his legs. He quickly wiped his tears with his palms and squatted to face his daughter.
‘Mama! You’re back!’ Jiyool instanty wrapped her arms on his neck and kissed her Mama’s lips. ‘How’s my little angel? Sorry mama’s late.’ He noticed the tied handkerchief on her daughter’s knee and he knew it was Yunho’s.
‘What happened, hm?’
‘I tripped Mama, but Ahjusshi helped me.’
She’s definitely talking about Yunho, he thought and his heartbeat raced. What if he noticed? What if he knows about them? Jaejoong pushed every thought aside as Jiyool locked her arms around him. He secured his grip on her and stood up just to see Yunho’s figure walking away from them.
‘Did you thank him?’
‘Of course! Jiyool is good!’ Jaejoong can only smile at his daughter’s enthusiasm. ‘He’s Y-yun… yun… I forgot Ahjusshi’s name already, Mama’
His heart swelled for his daughter and he could only smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, ‘It’s okay baby’
Few days after, Jaejoong found himself spending the whole day with Jiyool. It was his day off and Jiyool insisted to cook with him. His daughter, although a little petite for her age, loves to follow him around the kitchen and help him cook. And since his daughter is still small, he had let her stand on one of the chairs so she can reach things easier.
It was their little bonding and both of them enjoy it. However, during dinner, Jaejoong was reminded of the incident a few days ago.
‘I forgot to ask you baby. Why were you alone in the park last time?’
With her broken sentences, Jiyool explained what happened to Jaejoong. Apparently, they were playing when one of the kids told everyone to watch their favorite cartoon at home. They ran and since Jiyool is smaller, she couldn’t catch up with them. That was when she tripped.
Jaejoong was lost on his thoughts while his daughter blabs about the ahjusshi who helped her. He can’t agree more when people say that his daughter looks exactly like him but he can’t deny the fact that as time goes by, her features turn to be more like Yunho. It was like she’s evolving. Jiyool is a balance mix of his parents and he’s glad that he can still love something of him.
She told him how good and handsome the Ahjusshi was and he wondered where his daughter learned the concept of what’s handsome or not. And to his surprise, Jiyool asked him a question, ‘Mama, is Papa handsome too?’
His heart clenched but he stifled a smile and answered him with a yes. His heart breaks for his daughter and her lack of knowledge of her own father. He doesn’t want to keep her on the dark so if she asks, he will answer. A few details won’t hurt and he had always explained to her their situation: that her Papa needs to be away to do something really important. He doesn’t want to lie but with her daughter’s age, it will be too hard for her to understand. When she’s old enough, he will explain everything.
‘Really?’ Jiyool’s face lit up with the thought of having a handsome dad and Jaejoong nodded in assurance. Jaejoong then thought of something. It might have been difficult for his daughter to be held up in a strange situation. He’s a guy, after all, and he’s afraid his daughter will be criticized every time people hear her call him Mama. ‘Jiyool-ah, you can call me Papa when your friends are around. ‘
But Jiyool eagerly shook her head.
‘No? Why?’ Jaejoong asked.
‘Because you are my mama’
Jiyool’s answer might be short and simple but Jaejoong’s heart swell with affection. He survived the past years because of her. If it wasn’t for her daughter, he’s probably buried six feet under already. He was torn after he gave up Yunho and he wasn’t sure enough if he’d live without him. The thought of killing himself danced on his head but he pushed it all the way for the life living inside him. Jiyool is his daughter but she was much more than that. He clung to her like she’s his own life line and her smile strip him of his pain.
They were done eating in no time and little Jiyool helped him carry her plastic plate and cup to the sink. After washing the dishes, which actually turned out as pop-the-bubble game, Jaejoong demanded his daughter to clean up.
‘Come on, bed time! I’ll read you another story, but we need to brush your teeth first, hm?’
Dragging himself, Yunho had come to the hospital to visit his ill father. He’s quite old and spent most of his time the past few years in the hospital because of health issues. Yunho became really different and his mom noticed it as well. He seems to shut all people out and he’s cold as ice. He never cared though. He was badly wounded years ago after letting himself fall in love with someone who used and hurt him.
His mom talked to him when his dad finally fell asleep. How ironic it was for her to tell him that they only want what’s the best for him. He can only answer with a stiff Ohh when he remembered how they were totally against him and Jaejoong. But they were right. He loved Jaejoong dearly but after their last encounter, he’s pretty sure Jaejoong didn’t love him a bit.
He has mastered the art of selective hearing and Yunho only took in whatever’s beneficial and important to him. They were talking about something Yunho couldn’t fathom as his head wanders off when Yunho’s mom hinted him with the idea of settling down and getting married but he courtly dismissed her. His demeanor changed in a second and told his mom crudely, ‘I don’t want to be with anyone’
Next: Chapter 3 >>
______________________
author's note: Sorry, this came out a bit late. I'm juggling school with fandom and I write when I can. This has got to be the most draining part of this story. It pained me when I wrote Jae's part here ;~; And I hope you're not confused with the flashbacks and all. I also want to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter I posted!
author's note 2: I made an ask last night! If you want to ask me anything anonymously or just troll me, you can ask me here, i don't bite :))) http://ask.fm/mjkimjj
PS. Have you heard of the song 'Damn' by Tulisa? I really like it and the lyrics is a total win, well it goes like this...
"you build me up, to break me down. you fucked me up, when you fucked around, damn, damn, damn"
This is me talking about random shiz hahaha sorry!
Pairing: Yunjae
Raiting: PG 13
Length: Chaptered
Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Slight Mpreg(?)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the plot.
Warning: Mpreg is mentioned but not detailed.
Summary: This is the chaptered version of the oneshot Ignorance is a Bliss.
They were once together, happy and contented. But nothing's perfect and so their lives.
Follow their pursuit of happiness and their own happy ever after.
chapter two
Jaejoong had to rush back to the company he’s working at when his employer called him to fix the files she needed that same day. He’s currently working as a secretary in a small company situated in Seoul. It was actually his day off when she called but knowing how grumpy his boss can get and how bitchy she can treat him after, he dashed there like there’s no tomorrow. He knew she will fire him instantly if he doesn’t get there on time and he couldn’t afford that. Working on weekdays is totally an understatement. He’s enslaving himself on works not even part of his job description but he doesn’t mind as long as it pays the bills. Where can he find a more suitable job? He can work his arse off on weekdays and spend the whole day at home on weekends, with his angel – his daughter.
Jaejoong had left his daughter, Jiyool, with his neighbors; a young couple who were married for years, and he’s thankful enough that his little bundle of joy enjoys playing with their kids. After years of working to support himself and his daughter, leaving Jiyool still makes him feel bad but what can single parent do? He must work for them to survive. But if people will ask him, no, he doesn’t regret a thing.
Unlike other kids, his daughter never cries when he leaves her with his friends to work. She’s only a bit past the age of four but she’s definitely smart for her age. She’d go from a hyperactive clingy kid to a brave little one when needed. She loves to be carried around and she jumps him as soon as he got home. People always tell him how Jiyool looks exactly like him. Her doe eyes and pale skin might be from him but he can see him on her. Her features becoming more like him, her appa – the man he once vowed to love for the rest of his life and gave him everything. The same man who he wounded and left.
He went straight to her office and did what she told him to do. As soon as he was done, he rushed out of the building like flash, hoping to get back to his daughter as soon as possible.
▪▪▪
Yunho was sent back to reality when he saw the toddler fell on her knees. She was running, probably chasing someone, but fell when her doll shoes clad foot trip on the rocky part of the ground. Her fringes block her face as she kept her head down. Without even contemplating, Yunho immediately found himself on her side.
‘Sweetheart, are you okay?’ He asked him as he brushed the dirt off of her and helped her stand.
The kid’s voice came out soft and rather controlled and he heard her answer him with yes. Yunho had to catch his breath when the little girl looked at him straight in the eyes. Those eyes – he had seen those before. Beautiful doe eyes that had once looked at him with unrestrained love and passion. How can he forget everything? He felt like a total loon when he realized where his thoughts are taking him and he wanted to mentally brick himself over and over again.
‘Ahjusshi, you okay?’ He saw her staring at him with unshed tears on her eyes when he comprehended that he might have spaced out.
‘I’m okay. Are you? Your knee is bleeding.’ He said as he lightly touched her knee with his fingers. He saw her flinch a bit but she didn’t cry though her watery eyes betray her iron will.
‘Come on, let’s go sit there.’ Yunho carried the girl on his arms and sat her on the nearest bench. He spared her with another look before he rummage through his bag. Big rounded eyes followed his every move and he knew she’s unconsciously measuring him up, whether to lay out his trust on a complete stranger or not. He smiled back at her when he caught her looking at him, assuring her that everything’s going to be alright. How different the girl was, he thought. If it was another kid, she had probably kicked a tantrum already or wailed till his ears get chopped off, but she didn’t.
‘Are you here alone?’
‘No. They ran back to auntie’s house. There!” she answered him and pointed to a small bungalow across the park. They? she’s probably referring to her playmates, he thought. ‘You sure you’re okay here?’
The little girl’s face lit up and nodded, ‘Mama will be back!’
Something tugged at his heart when he saw her face lit up at the mention of her mother. She looked really cute with her hair bobbing along.
He handled out a water bottle from his bag and took his handkerchief out of his pocket.
‘I’m going to wash your wound first okay?’ He poured some water on her knees whilst looking at her from time to time. He saw her clutching her dress but she didn’t cry. Tough girl. Yunho folded his handkerchief and tied it on her wounded knee.
‘There!’ he said and tucked her hair on her ear. ‘You should ask mama to fix you up later okay?’
‘T-Thank you, ahjusshi’
‘You keep on calling me ahjusshi.’ He made a face and acted as if he’s hurt. He held out his hands and told her, ‘My name is Yunho. What’s your name?’
‘Jiyool’ She gave him a smile and timidly grabbed his outstretched hand with her own.
How strange –
He dismissed whatever on his mind and returned her smile, ‘What a pretty name! Just Jiyool?’
‘Jung Jiyool’
His heart stopped. How can it be? He must’ve been crazy to think that it’s possible but what a strange coincidence. Her features and everything about her reminds him of Jaejoong but he dismissed that idea as soon as it crept on his mind. But Jung Jiyool? Just what the heck is life playing at him?
His memories took him back years ago. The first time he heard that name – it was from his own mouth.
‘Yunho-yah, if ever – if ever you will have a kid, what will you name him… or her?’ They were cuddling in bed when Jaejoong suddenly asked him. Their legs were tangled with each other and both were covered half way down with only a thin crumpled sheet. They bask in each other’s warthm as their skin rubs on the other. Yunho enveloped his lover with his arms while Jaejoong traced his jaw down to his collar bones and chest and repeated the act over and over again.
Yunho nuzzled into the smaller man’s hair, taking in his musky scent. ‘Hmm… Jiyool’
‘Jiyool? Why?’
‘It sounds pretty’ Trust Jaejoong’s lover to come up with the most reasonable reason. Jaejoong wanted to laugh but when he looked up and saw his lover’s face, he decided to shut his mouth. He looked so gentle that time, affection coursing through his every being. ‘Your reasoning is the best, Yunnie’
Yunho had to give himself another mental slap. What are the chances that Jiyool is Jaejoong’s? His heart pumped so hard he can hardly breathe. ‘How about your mama and papa? What are their names?’
▪▪▪
Jaejoong had seen them and his hand immediately flew to his mouth. Then one by one, tears started dripping from his eyes.
‘Leave my son’ He heard that taunting voice once again. It was Yunho’s mom. The Jungs never accepted his relationship with their son but Yunho cannot do anything about it. He threatened them, yes, but he loves them dearly. Yunho is understanding, the complete opposite of his parents. He respects his parents but when the topic is about him and Jaejoong, they fight like being angry is the only reaction they can give to him. Yunho always call him after the heated discussions to rant and Jaejoong could only calm him.
Jaejoong is an orphan and his high value of parents comes first despite everything they said to him. He tried to understand them but the Jungs can only feel the same way towards their relationship. In their eyes, their son can never be wrong and if he could only take the blame for everything, he will. He knew their relationship isn’t a normal one in a country like South Korea. It is just wasn’t the norm and his parents can only see it as one thing: Disgusting.
‘I am sorry Mrs. Jung but I can never leave Yunho – unless he wants me to’ he trailed off. Jaejoong saw her eyes and regretted that he even
looked at her. He can see pure hatred in them and his right hand instantly went to his stomach and clutched it like some sort of life line.
It was only two days ago when Jaejoong received some good news. He was too weak the past few weeks and nausea tortured him almost twenty-four-seven so he decided to swing by the hospital. Nothing’s wrong with him and it’s definitely not a bug, that’s what the doctor told him. He thought it was really weird when the doctor brought in his colleague. It was Doctor Choi. His eyes almost popped out of his sockets when he told him he’s pregnant. He can’t even fathom the whole idea. He told him that his case is really rare. He didn’t know if he’s exaggerating when he told him it’s one in a million chances rare for a guy to be pregnant, almost a miracle or maybe it was with the genes and other scientific something he never really understood, but yes, he is truly, miraculously pregnant. He had wanted to tell Yunho about it but he didn’t want to tell him about his pregnancy over the phone. His lover had been away for almost two months already to deal with their family’s business in Japan and he was itching to call him but he stopped himself from doing so. He’ll tell him about the good news personally.
However, Mrs. Jung is always two steps ahead of everyone else.
‘You’re pregnant.’ She said flatly. It wasn’t a question and Jaejoong’s head shoot up and stared at her in disbelief and surprise. He never told anyone about this, how come she knows? And like she was able to read his thoughts, ‘I have my ways Jaejoong.’ She told him, ‘You know what I can do, young man. Leave my son or I’ll make you suffer.’
‘I – I’m really sorry Mrs. Jung’
Mrs. Jung eyed him with contempt once more and left without another word. He never saw her for several days after the whole threatening incident, or maybe, in defeat, she accepted them already. But one day, she saw her standing in front of his house, waiting for him. Two men clad in full black outfits approached him and forced him to get on the car. They were too strong and he couldn’t do anything.
‘W-where are you taking me?’
‘I gave you choices Jaejoong.’
Jaejoong felt like they were roaming the highway to hell and he was utterly scared. The car stopped and Jaejoong was literally dragged out of the car to the hospital. He was being hauled on a familiar place and he realized what she’s up to. No she wouldn’t!
He paled on the thought of it and became hysterical. He tried to wriggle away but the grip on him was too strong. He wailed, not even caring how people looked at them.
‘Don’t do this, Mrs. Jung. Please?’ He was constantly slipping on the hospital’s tiles as he tried to fight the guy’s hold on him. He cried and cried until his tears smeared his face and shirt.
‘Don’t do this. Not my child … ‘ He pleaded, his face so heartbreakingly broken. ‘Mrs. Jung –‘
Yunho’s mom stopped walking and pierced her eyes on him. Jaejoong tried to beg once more. ‘My child doesn’t deserve this…’
‘I warned you. If you had only listened Kim Jaejoong, we wouldn’t even be here.’
Her voice came out clipped and spiteful and everything that came from his mouth sent shivers on his spine. He was petrified, not for him but for his baby’s sake, but he promised himself to protect his little one with his everything. He knows that the situation he was in wasn’t the same before when they did nothing but threaten him with words. The Jungs can go to any length to protect their honor and family and they wouldn’t bend their principles for something they hated to start with.
Yunho had dealt with his parents the past years when they throw fit and shit towards their relationship. He had always dealt with them alone, convincing him that he can take care of everything. He put him on pedestal and shielded him from any despair and pain. But this time, he wasn’t there for him. The situation, too, isn’t something he wanted their son to deal with. Jaejoong respects his lover’s love for his parents and his respect towards them despite everything they said and did.
Now that another life is involved, Jaejoong vowed to deal with this on his own – to protect Yunho and his child. Their child.
And so, Jaejoong came up with a decision – a decision that the situation calls for; what he thought was right and the easiest escape from the hell he was in.
He stopped wriggling and faced her with his tear streaked face, ‘I will do anything you want me to do Mrs. Jung. Anything… But don’t harm my child.’
What’s with hurting if it’s all worth it?
Yunho came back to Korea a week and a half after. A day before his flight, he called Jaejoong to ask if they can meet as soon as he landed. And they did. Oblivious to everything that happened the past weeks, Yunho told Jaejoong to meet him on his house.
Jaejoong’s condition worsened due to pregnancy and he looked like he was just hit by a truck. Yunho was all smiles when he saw Jaejoong strutting towards him. In a moment of ecstasy, of finally meeting his love after two agonizing weeks of staying away from his country, he was quick on his feet and hugged him tight. But Jaejoong remained frozen on his place. He didn’t even react when Yunho hugged him. There’s something wrong. Yunho felt the change in Jaejoong that he doesn’t even want to feel but what he saw on Jaejoong’s face made him wince. He was staring at him with cold eyes and blank face. His eyes, unreadable and oh the shudder it gave him.
He held his arms with both hands and looked at him straight in the eye ‘What wrong Joongie?’
This is now or never, Jaejoong convinced himself. He wanted to tell Yunho everything but his mom’s voice haunts him like no other. He wanted to hug him back and kiss him senseless but the safety of their child comes first.
‘I can’t do this anymore Yunho’
‘W-what are you saying? Why are you like this?’
‘This is not working. Let’s break up.’ That came out fast. But Jaejoong had to harden himself when he saw the emotions on Yunho’s face. He was shocked and confused. Jaejoong caught him off guard and he knew Yunho. He isn’t someone who will accept anything life throws at him without fighting back and knowing everything.
‘You’re joking right?’ Yunho had spared him with an incredulous look and Jaejoong’s heart felt like it was ripping into pieces. He tightened his grip on him and shook him to his senses, ‘Tell me you’re joking.’
Jaejoong’s silence answered Yunho. He had to keep his mouth shut that time or he can say things that weren’t part of his plan. Yunho removed his grip on the smaller man and paced the room with a hand on his face as he tried to process everything. He stopped on his tracks looked at Jaejoong.
‘You’ve gotta be kidding me, Kim Jaejoong.’
‘No Yunho. I’m serious. We need to stop this. Whatever happened between us, forget them.’ Yunho narrowed his eyes on him as he took in every word he said. Jaejoong lashed him with words and wound his entire being. When Jaejoong saw disbelief turned into anger, he knew everything that has happened between them was sent down the drain.
‘Do you have someone else?’’
‘I don’t have anyone.’ Jaejoong answered. ‘Look. Those things I told you before, they’re not true. Everything’s a lie, Yunho, everything. You have to understand this. We may have started out right but see, this is me. I don’t love you. Never. I like what you can give me though. I’m just a poor orphan and what’s the best to get out of that hell hole? You’re my little escape Yunho-yah. Your family is famous; you have money, the looks. You wouldn’t know but I can jump on the first person who will offer me those things, even if it’s not you. I’m tired of putting up with all the drama, Yunho. I’m done with all your family’s shit. I’m done with you.’
Yunho wanted to laugh after he heard everything Jaejoong told him. He didn’t peg the guy to be a gold digging bitch but the truth came from his own mouth. He wanted to scream, to hurt him, to be mad, but he’s too numb to feel anything.
‘You really fucked everything up, Jaejoong’
‘It seems like I really did.’
He groaned in disbelief, ‘Fuck you.’
Yunho’s voice was clipped and controlled. He didn’t scream but everything stabbed Jaejoong’s heart. He told himself that he deserve this. He deserve much more than being cursed out by the person he love compared to the pain he inflicted on him with his lies.
‘Leave.’
He sounded tired and defeated but Jaejoong understood. Without saying another word, he dragged himself out of Yunho’s house and completely out of his life.
▪▪▪
Jiyool saw a figure half-hiding on the other side of the park and she knew it was her mom.
Yunho thought the little girl didn’t hear him so he repeated the question for her. He was dying of curiosity. What if his thoughts are right? ‘Can you tell ahjusshi what’s your parents’ name?’
But Jiyool was too distracted. She jumped off the bench and bowed to the ahjusshi who kindly helped her out.
‘Thank you Ahjusshi!!’
‘Where are you going Jiyool-ah?’ he asked her, curious to why she suddenly decided to leave the place. Jiyool pointed on the other side of the park. He wasn’t sure as to whom Jiyool was pointing out since other people are walking by but he remembered that she was staying on the house on the other side of the street.
‘Mama’
Yunho understood what Jiyool wanted to say. He brushed her hair with his hands for the last time and dusted off her dress. ‘Remember to ask Mama to treat your wound, ‘kay?’ he held out his pinky and she immediately wrapped her own with his. ‘Okay!’
▪▪▪
Jaejoong was still standing behind the post when he felt her daughter nudge his legs. He quickly wiped his tears with his palms and squatted to face his daughter.
‘Mama! You’re back!’ Jiyool instanty wrapped her arms on his neck and kissed her Mama’s lips. ‘How’s my little angel? Sorry mama’s late.’ He noticed the tied handkerchief on her daughter’s knee and he knew it was Yunho’s.
‘What happened, hm?’
‘I tripped Mama, but Ahjusshi helped me.’
She’s definitely talking about Yunho, he thought and his heartbeat raced. What if he noticed? What if he knows about them? Jaejoong pushed every thought aside as Jiyool locked her arms around him. He secured his grip on her and stood up just to see Yunho’s figure walking away from them.
‘Did you thank him?’
‘Of course! Jiyool is good!’ Jaejoong can only smile at his daughter’s enthusiasm. ‘He’s Y-yun… yun… I forgot Ahjusshi’s name already, Mama’
His heart swelled for his daughter and he could only smile but it didn’t reach his eyes, ‘It’s okay baby’
▪▪▪
Few days after, Jaejoong found himself spending the whole day with Jiyool. It was his day off and Jiyool insisted to cook with him. His daughter, although a little petite for her age, loves to follow him around the kitchen and help him cook. And since his daughter is still small, he had let her stand on one of the chairs so she can reach things easier.
It was their little bonding and both of them enjoy it. However, during dinner, Jaejoong was reminded of the incident a few days ago.
‘I forgot to ask you baby. Why were you alone in the park last time?’
With her broken sentences, Jiyool explained what happened to Jaejoong. Apparently, they were playing when one of the kids told everyone to watch their favorite cartoon at home. They ran and since Jiyool is smaller, she couldn’t catch up with them. That was when she tripped.
Jaejoong was lost on his thoughts while his daughter blabs about the ahjusshi who helped her. He can’t agree more when people say that his daughter looks exactly like him but he can’t deny the fact that as time goes by, her features turn to be more like Yunho. It was like she’s evolving. Jiyool is a balance mix of his parents and he’s glad that he can still love something of him.
She told him how good and handsome the Ahjusshi was and he wondered where his daughter learned the concept of what’s handsome or not. And to his surprise, Jiyool asked him a question, ‘Mama, is Papa handsome too?’
His heart clenched but he stifled a smile and answered him with a yes. His heart breaks for his daughter and her lack of knowledge of her own father. He doesn’t want to keep her on the dark so if she asks, he will answer. A few details won’t hurt and he had always explained to her their situation: that her Papa needs to be away to do something really important. He doesn’t want to lie but with her daughter’s age, it will be too hard for her to understand. When she’s old enough, he will explain everything.
‘Really?’ Jiyool’s face lit up with the thought of having a handsome dad and Jaejoong nodded in assurance. Jaejoong then thought of something. It might have been difficult for his daughter to be held up in a strange situation. He’s a guy, after all, and he’s afraid his daughter will be criticized every time people hear her call him Mama. ‘Jiyool-ah, you can call me Papa when your friends are around. ‘
But Jiyool eagerly shook her head.
‘No? Why?’ Jaejoong asked.
‘Because you are my mama’
Jiyool’s answer might be short and simple but Jaejoong’s heart swell with affection. He survived the past years because of her. If it wasn’t for her daughter, he’s probably buried six feet under already. He was torn after he gave up Yunho and he wasn’t sure enough if he’d live without him. The thought of killing himself danced on his head but he pushed it all the way for the life living inside him. Jiyool is his daughter but she was much more than that. He clung to her like she’s his own life line and her smile strip him of his pain.
They were done eating in no time and little Jiyool helped him carry her plastic plate and cup to the sink. After washing the dishes, which actually turned out as pop-the-bubble game, Jaejoong demanded his daughter to clean up.
‘Come on, bed time! I’ll read you another story, but we need to brush your teeth first, hm?’
▪▪▪
Dragging himself, Yunho had come to the hospital to visit his ill father. He’s quite old and spent most of his time the past few years in the hospital because of health issues. Yunho became really different and his mom noticed it as well. He seems to shut all people out and he’s cold as ice. He never cared though. He was badly wounded years ago after letting himself fall in love with someone who used and hurt him.
His mom talked to him when his dad finally fell asleep. How ironic it was for her to tell him that they only want what’s the best for him. He can only answer with a stiff Ohh when he remembered how they were totally against him and Jaejoong. But they were right. He loved Jaejoong dearly but after their last encounter, he’s pretty sure Jaejoong didn’t love him a bit.
He has mastered the art of selective hearing and Yunho only took in whatever’s beneficial and important to him. They were talking about something Yunho couldn’t fathom as his head wanders off when Yunho’s mom hinted him with the idea of settling down and getting married but he courtly dismissed her. His demeanor changed in a second and told his mom crudely, ‘I don’t want to be with anyone’
Next: Chapter 3 >>
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author's note: Sorry, this came out a bit late. I'm juggling school with fandom and I write when I can. This has got to be the most draining part of this story. It pained me when I wrote Jae's part here ;~; And I hope you're not confused with the flashbacks and all. I also want to thank everyone who commented on the last chapter I posted!
author's note 2: I made an ask last night! If you want to ask me anything anonymously or just troll me, you can ask me here, i don't bite :))) http://ask.fm/mjkimjj
PS. Have you heard of the song 'Damn' by Tulisa? I really like it and the lyrics is a total win, well it goes like this...
"you build me up, to break me down. you fucked me up, when you fucked around, damn, damn, damn"
This is me talking about random shiz hahaha sorry!
